Saturday, October 30, 2004

Two funny things

At work, Bill had a meeting with the HR department to discuss a new "non-compete" type clause that they now had to sign. Anyway, in the middle of it Bill raised his hand and (not skipping a beat, as usual) said, "Where it says 'one human soul' here, does it have to be our own?" :o) Unfortunately, according to the HR manager, it does have to be your own, which totally stinks...

(just kidding, I think!)

I think Dave Barry is taking a year off. Maybe Bill should be his temporary replacement!

The second thing is a list that Bill and I made up of new Harry Potter titles (in case J.K. Rowling runs out or something). I'll share some of the funnier ones (at least the ones I thought were funny)

Harry Potter: The Urban Legend of Poprocsoda
Harry Potter: Escape from a Fundamentalist
Harry Potter: Minors in VCR repair
"Harry Potter realizes that all this witchcraft and wizardry is hardly going to get him much of a job when he graduates from Hogwarts. Enjoy this wild ride as Harry confronts one of the greatest challenges yet: a Muggle VCR instruction manual..."

Harry Potter: Hermione starts losing her powers once a month
Harry Potter: The Tax Form Labyrinth
Harry Potter: Dispute of the cable bill
Harry Potter: Hogwarts moves to L.A.
Harry Potter: Psycotherapy for the Dursleys
Petunia Dursley finally confronts the issues she has with her sister and why she feels the need to reenact the painful scenario onto Harry and Dudley. Dudley realizes that he eats too much to overcome a deep sense on inadequacy. Peace and tranquility finally find a place in the Dursley household.
Harry Potter: Dumbledore gets a hip replacement
Harry Potter: The Rogaine Nightmare
"If you thought Harry Potter's bad hair problems were terrible before, just wait to see what happens when someone accidentally spills a "hair growth formula" on him in Potions class. Snape is NOT happy..."

Harry Potter: The Tree-Huggers
Harry Potter: Hogwarts library defies the Patriot Act
"Federal agents are trying to determine whether the forbidden section of Hogwarts library has any materials that terrorists might peruse. But Madam Pince won't be having any of it, and the agents are having quite a time getting around some of the spells cast on the books! Real trouble comes when Hogwarts is put on a list of organizations harboring terrorists..."

Harry Potter: The Gryffindor keg party
Harry Potter: The horrible, terrible, no good very bad day
Harry Potter: Clash of the Plaids and Stripes
Harry Potter: The Magic Mushroom Addiction

And someone at work came up with "Harry Potter: Loses his Virginity", which I thought was funny, but I think I've heard it before.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

What not to wear

I've never watched the show "What not to wear", but my gut reaction to the idea is distinctly negative. Apparently, family members &/or friends "volunteer" people as candidates for a makeover and to improve the person's clothing choices. Yesterday someone was telling me how great it was because the people being made over are so happy at the end. I didn't contradict her at the time because it wasn't an appropriate context for argument. However, my first thought was "um... you don't suppose they would only AIR the ones where people are happy at the end???" What about all the candidates who were really pissed off at their so-called "loved ones" for doing such an awful thing to them, and killed them all? (But hey, they would look really good for their mug shot!). Would the show include them?

I'm just waiting patiently for the show where people can nominate their loved ones for a "character makeover" - to teach them to be less judgmental, cruel &/or rude. I think I'll be waiting a long time...

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

It's been a while...

I feel like I haven't had a chance to goof on the computer for ages. Problem is, I used to have so much more time in the morning before Callista had started school. But I don't want this blog to become a big nothing! So I thought that maybe I would try to transform it a bit into a humor blog (but not be too strict about that, especially if I happen to find more time). Every day I hear something that makes me laugh or Bill says something hilarious. So I'm going to make an effort to jot down a little note to remind me of what it was and then write it on here. If it's relatively inane, well, who cares?

Last night we were making fun of John Denver's song "you fill up my senses" (which I love, BTW). I think it's an easy target, really, but it was fun. So I took some of the ideas (and I don't remember some of the funnier ones... sigh) and wrote a parody:

You fill up my senses like a hot crowded airport,
like a liver-filled blowpop,
like a box full of bees, like a moldy brown grapefruit,
like a broken down buick.
You fill up my senses, but it's really too much.

Please go away now, let me have a break from you,
let me escape from your laughter, let me die in peace!
like a moldy brown grapefruit, like a broken down buick
I really don't need you, hanging around!

Monday, October 04, 2004

Sad News

It seems like forever since I've had a chance to write. (Actually, I don't really have a chance now either, but I've been wanting to write this sad news since Wednesday.) Last week, my father-in-law lost his job. I worry because he's rather close to retirement age and I don't really know how easy it will be for him to find another. I'm not privvy to my in-laws general financial situation, and that actually leaves me feeling more anxious for them than I otherwise might. (My mother-in-law works, but I don't know how much she makes or even if she has health insurance through that job.)

Not that my own anxiety is going to be of much help to my father-in-law. I just care about him so much. Even before I married my husband, he treated me like his own daughter. Plus, I know what it's like to lose a job, having lost my job 2 years ago and being out of work for 6 months. Some days you're feeling OK, even a little happy because you no longer have to work any more. Other days, you just feel terribly anxious and depressed because not only are you lacking in money, but you also feel like you've lost your identity and you wonder if people will respect you. I remember wondering (ridiculously) to myself if it was appropriate for me to keep reading "Working Mother" since it obviously was no longer really "meant" for me.

I wish I knew what would happen, so that even if they ended up having to be a little "poorer", at least their lives would be relatively stable and secure. I wish there was something we could do to help. Right now all we've come up with is the pledge to always pay for dinner when we get together with them, and to make clear that we do not need Christmas presents (unless they want to give us something really cheap as a token, which I personally think is fine even if you *aren't* unemployed...). It doesn't seem like very much, but I'm not sure what else is possible.